I'm not old enough to have a kindergartner.

I have not yet succeeded in convincing Shannon. I tried convincing her to have a backwards birthday or go bact to being a baby, and she wasn't having it. this is her at her table in her spot in her classroom. I'm not okay with it.

I got up early yesterday morning and got her dressed and fed. We went to the school, and found her classroom. it involved a little wandering around, I had no idea where I was going. Once we found it, her teacher came in. I was really impressed, when her teacher asked her what her name was, she actually answered her. we unloaded her supplies and I took some pictures. I've been worried for weeks that there would be hysterics when I tried to leave her at the school, so I hoped that by going early Shannon would have time to get settled in and be okay.

We went outside and she played on the playground for a while. I just stood there in the cluster of other parents, watching. when the bell rang, Shannon came up, grabbed ther wrong backpack- there was another girl there with a Hello Kitty backpack- put that one down, found hers and got in line. it was kind of hilarious looking at her next to the other kids. She's at least a sold four inches taller than the next tallest one. So I managed to make my way through the other parents, gave Shannon a hug and a kiss and told her I'd be back to pick her up when she got done. She said ok, and followed the line into the building. and then I had to rush to the car so I didn't embarass myself by bursting into tears. When I picked her up, she was super excited, and kept telling me all day that she missed school and wanted to go back. so that it. I have a kindergartner.

Yes, they are. not my fault if you can't hear them.

These boots I just bought are telling me I need more skinny jeans.

So here's a little tmi for you: last night things got a little..... um..... distracted with Caleb and I while we were fooling around, and based on the time frame we just rolled the dice on me getting pregnant. Wasn't really planned. Oops. We'll never get to plan a pregnancy, will we? that'll be our luck and it'll take just the one shot to do it. Not even intentionally! well, nothing to do about it now. I figured I'd blog about it, because no one reads this, and it's not something I can really bring up in conversation.

Not much going on now. Shannon starts school next Tuesday. I may or may not be having panic attacks about this. I'm 25. I'm not old enough to have a kid in school. I took her shoe shopping last night (thus the boots) and got all emotional over buying shoes for her to wear for school. I still need to take her to get some new shirts too. Already got school supplies, which was surreal. And we got her a new backpack last night. we were going to use the airplane one my mom got her a while ago, but she keeps insisting she hates airplanes, and her insistance got louder when she saw the Hello Kitty backpack at the shoe store. so, with Payless' buy one get one half off sale I gave in. She's in morning kindergarten, which is what we wanted. But I'm still thinking I'm gonna see if I can switch shifts with the other parttimer at work, cuz I'm sick of dealing with Katie, Caleb's sister, for childcare. she's flaky and unreliable and always a liar. I'm actually very angry at her- she said she was going out of town for a week, so she couldn't watch Shannon, so I frantically made desperate other arrangements, and she didn't go out of town- but I can't actually do anything about it cuz we need her. And I'm tired of needing her and biting my tongue. so I emailed the other parttimer- Ben- and we'll see if this is possible. Of course, if I get pregnant, that loss of afternoon shift is going to be strongly regretted.

titles are boring.

well, my amazon shirts are here. the teal is darker than I though- for a second I thought it was gonna be black, and then I was going to be annoyed. But they're really pretty, and I'll try them on soon. so far everything looks good. Once I have pictures of me in them I'll put them up here.

Also, Marissa and I went and bought jeans yesterday. You know, those free jeans we got from CrowdTap. I did mention that didn't I? Free jeans? the dark pair on the left, the skinny jeans, are the ones that Marissa got. she wasn't sure about skinny jeans, but since they were free she decided to try it. the medium blue jeans on the right are the ones I got- they're called trouser jeans and they're SO COMFY. The jeans in the middle are ones that I tried on at the store, but they didn't have them in tall sizes, so I just ordered those online. apparently flares are back in and I LOVED it. unfortunately, I am 6' tall and regular length jeans just aren't going to cut it. So, online we go.

We bought tops to go with our jeans, of course. The black and white striped sweater is Marissa's- I am HIGHLY ENVIOUS. it looked really cute on her, and really good with the skinny jeans. However, when I tried on the same sweater, I knew right away it wasn't going to work for me. I put it on and leaned just a little back, and it immediately pulls up to show my stomach. way too short. sigh. The brown sweater is the one I got. (Marissa also got a matching one) It's an interesting shirt- it's a loose open weave, totally see through, so I have to put a tank top underneath. So I just pick a bright color to show through the sweater- I'm wearing it today and I went with pink- and it looks really cool. I also got some new pants for Shannon, since she starts kindergarten this year- figured she could use some school clothes, since Old navy had kids jeans on sale. Turns out Shannon doesn't like skinny jeans. I tried them on her and she did not approve. I thought they were cute, but they were for her to wear so I let her pick what she wanted.

I'm actually starting to be ready for cooler weather. I miss my sweaters, and now I'm getting new jeans, that I won't even wear yet cuz it's too warm. We wore our new clothes yesterday when we got home, but we were both woo warm in them. and I am wearing the sweater I got and because of the open weave it's not really a warm sweater, but I think I'm about ready for the weather to change.

Except for floating the river! Oooh, I'm a fan of that. I'd never been before and Saturday before last we finally decided to go. Of course- I had a meltdown the night before- I had planned to wear my navy tankini, but when I went to find it, the top was missing. I don't know where it is. I didn't want to wear my Hawaii swim suit, cuz the seams are starting to rip out. so I tried on my old leopard printed halter top one piece form several years ago. Yeah, NO. It did the most awful pear shaped thing to my body- my bust looked tiny and my belly and hips looks huge. So I had a massive self-esteem crash. it was bad. Crying and sulking and everything. Eventually Caleb found the correct solution to that- tell me to go buy a new swimsuit. So I got up early, and I took Shannon, cuz her current suit was getting too small, and she and I went swimsuit shopping. we started at Old Navy, but there was NOTHING left there but a few pieces of bikinis, which, after pregnancy, c-section, and gaining 10 lbs, that is NOT going to happen, so we moved on. We walked down that little strip mall, hitting Shopko, Marshalls, Ross and even Sportsman's Warehouse, and then Walmart at the end. Let me tell you what, swimsuit selection is not great at the end of July. At Walmart Shannon picked out a Dora the Explorer suit she really liked and I found a blue one piece with ruched sides (thereby hiding any belly issues I might worry about) that I loved. Nearly fought with Shannon over that, cuz there was a pink one I tried on too that she wanted me to get, cuz she likes pink better, but I wanted the blue.

So, that crisis out of the way, floating the river was really fun. We actually bought our own tubes, cuz renting was only slightly cheaper than buying, and with buying we were able to go again last Saturday and will go again this Saturday and probable every Saturday we can. I very much enjoyed it, and so did Shannon. She will never get to 25 like me and have to admit she's lived in Boise all her life and never floated the river. This Saturday, though, I don't think we will be inviting Josh and Sarah. I nearly slapped her this last time- she has NO patience for children and was snapping at Shannon, just being nasty and mean, and it was upsetting me. So I think this time we won't say anything to them, and invite Caleb's friend David instead. much more laid back. I love floating the river, because with Caleb's job, that has basically eliminated any chance of any more camping trips this summer. we got our 4th of July camping, and that's all. so floating the river gives us something outdoorsy and summery that we can do. I approve.

LOLZ

so, I realized I only feel like posting here when I've bought something I'm excited about. this time it's off of Amazon. These two tops. Now, I was really excited when I first saw them. I took the picture of the red one and posted it on facebook. I was asking for opinions. as you can see, it's a wild shirt. frilly and fancy- I couldn't decide. I loved it, naturally, but I couldn't decide if it was too much or not. Well, based on overwhelming support, I made up my mind that it wasn't too much and I was gonna buy it. However, in the process of my internal debate, I found the teal top. Just as appealing, but without the fancy sleeves. And turns out I couldn't make up my mind. So I bought them both. now, I have to say, I'm a little anxious about what the quality will be like. They are being imported from India. I read the seller's feedback, and only one complains about quality, and that was just a shoulder strap that from the description is easily fixed. If I have to fix something, that's fine. I just want to love them. the other negative reviews were from people who didn't know it was coming from India and was going to take a long time. the estimated delivery on the site says Aug 4-Aug 12. I'm prepared to wait. I'm just so nervous.

Also, once again, on Crowdtap, I have been selected for one of their sample and share programs, this one for jeans. So, free jeans for me! yay!

On a less shallow note-

Things are good right now. Really good. Caleb is so happy at his job. He's working at the prison, in case I haven't mentioned that already. And he loves it. And I love that he loves it. And I have a job that I love. There's a lot of love going around. Of course, my job's not really work, but that's probably why I love it. I'm customer service for a website that doesn't usually need customer service. Which means that I rarely, if ever, do any work. And, based on this, I have Caleb convinced that it's time to start trying to get pregnant. He asked me to give him a month or two to get more comfortable in his job, so I'm aiming at September. Just waiting now...

And again!

Yay! Old Navy loves me again! This time I got free tank tops. Which is AWESOME sine I'm practically living in tank tops now. As are Amanda, Marissa and Sarah, all my shopping partners. I was a little sad that it actually restricted me on the top we could get, but hey. free tank top. FREE. free is good. We me at my house this last Saturday, made the boys keep the girls, naturally. This wasn't a long shopping trip, since we were restricted. We found the tank top style we ould have, grabbed one in every color and took them to the dressing room. in the end we all got the same one, the black one you see here. we all liked it, and decided there was nothing wrong with matching. And then we wore them out to go see the new Harry Potter movie! I felt like a dork, but it was fun.

Whee! Shopping trip!

So, I finally got to go on my Old Navy Shopping trip! There was a little bit of a complication, Sarah called me on Thursday and told me she had forgotten she had to work Saturday. Now, I was upset. I've been looking forward to this trip for a long time. I love new clothes. I believe I've covered this obsession previously. so, well, now what do I do? I don't want anyone left out, so I tried to reschedule. she said she wasn't working Friday, but she'd be out of town next weekend. Well, Friday is Friday Night Magic night, but I already knew that Phoenix Fire, our store, was doing a draft for the first event. I was not terribly interested in the draft, I didn't need the new cards and it costs a little more. Marissa felt the same. However, Amanda had family visiting Friday night. Of course. She talked about rescheduling with her family, but Aarom wouldn't let her, saying it would be rude. It probably would be, but it bothers me when he bosses her like that. So, now what? I can't push this trip bak two weeks. So I figure, I'll just give Sarah her coupon and she can just go herself when she has a chance. I don't like this solution, I feel bad leaving Sarah out. When I call her to tell her, she also sounds slightly disappointed. so.... Better Solution! Sarah and I go shopping by ourselves Friday night! Yes! I like it! I have two gift cards and a Groupon I've been saving for this trip, so I'll just spend those on Friday and use my coupon on Saturday with Amanda and Marissa. Yay!

So, Sarah and I meet at Old Navy Friday night. since Caleb and Zach are playing Magic at ABU Games, (They didn't want to play in the draft either) I have to take Shannon with us. Not the end of the world, I suppose. I'm surprised by how much fun Sarah and I had. We browsed, and picked out random things to try on. I found the shoes I'd been eyeing online for a while online in the color I wanted and my size. Since I wasn't using my coupon yet, I had them hold them for me. Sarah got some really cute multi colored shorts, which were labeled several size smaller than her normal size, so she was happy when they fit, and a t shirt and some flip flops. I got two tank tops and the khaki colored shorts you see above. Crazy comfy, by the way. I think I'm in love, and I may end up buying the other colors. I felt bad, checking out, cuz I was using a Groupon for the shorts, which had to be one transaction, and a regular giftcard, which was another transaction, which I paid the difference with my debit card, and then a $10 reward card from my old navy credit card and a 15% off coupon, both of which I had to use my card to get, but since I don't carry my card anymore, they had to look it up. I took forever. but I only spent $10 for all that. I can live with that.

Afterwards, we went over to the smoothie place across the parking lot and had smoothies. It used to be a Jamba Juice, I forget what it is now, but it's still smoothies. Naturally, Shannon didn't like the one I got for her, so I got to finish hers as well as mine. But it was a lot of fun. I don't hang out with Sarah as much as I should.

Saturday was a little stressful to begin with. Caleb didn't want me to leave Shannon with him, cuz he wanted to work on our car, and Aaron was helping a neighbor dig a trench, so he wasn't keeping Eloise. Taking both kids sounded like a nightmare. Luckily, we were going in the early afternoon, since there was a Legend of the Five Rings (another card game we play) tournament that night. And, Zach didn't work until five. so, Zach got to babysit. I only got Shannon to agree to stay home by telling her Zach would take her and Eloise to the park. Still, glad we didn't have to take them.

At the store, Marissa was a little hesitant at first, cuz she doesn't shop like Amanda and I did. So we had to encourage her a bit. She was comfortable enough to go into the dressing room with me and Amanda like we usually do, sharing one big one so we don't have to prance around the dressing room in whatever. We changed and gave opinions and helped eachother pick what looked best. Marissa nearly go herself in trouble worrying about her belly hanging out over too tight shorts, when she was in a room with two women that have had babies. Yeah. that girl's so skinny she's got nothing to worry about. The clothes that Marissa picked out were so cute that Amanda and I seriously jumped up and down and squealed when we saw them on her. The whie apris are hers. She was hesitant about the white- white is SO stressful to wear- but they looked so good it had to be done. Amanda and I just got denim shorts and brightly colored tank tops. It was awesome. I got a whole outfit, and nothing Caleb could yell at me for, cuz I didn't spend any money to do it! I love clothes!

Father's Day

so, we're less broke than we were for Mother's day, when we were both unemployed. I got Caleb a Boise State shot glass, since he collects them. Which people find ironic, since we don't drink. Someday I'm going to get him a nice display case for his collection. Shannon made him a card that I helped her with that she wrote "I love you, Daddy" and then put stickers all over it. Then we went out to Caldwell to have dinner with his parents, and went in with Caleb's brother, Aaron, and sister, Katie, to buy thier dad, Paul, a barbeque for Father's Day. it was fairly uneventful, other than the usual stress that Katie's kids cause.

Holly hell. they make me insane. The oldest is Shiann, a foster kid, who's 14 and has cerebral palsy, and all the extra stress with that. Then there's Madison who's 8, and Kayla, another foster kid, who's 10-ish. they're snotty and bossy and will tattle at the drop of a hat. Then there's Devon and Hope, 6 and 7, who ignore everything Katie says and do whatever the hell they want. And then Fintin, who's 3, and is the biggest whiny drama queen, EVER. and she lets him get away with it. Finally, there's Claire, who is 8 months old and just has the natural stress of a baby. She's also a foster kid. So, no, I don't like being surrounded by her kids. they make me crazy. It might not be so bad if she actually disciplined them and had any control AT ALL over them. sheesh. I was ready to leave by the time we finally did. I don't know how she stands the chaos.

Shopping!

You know, I've changed a lot since high school. I was completely indifferent to my appearance back then. I brushed my hair once and called it good for the day. I wore clothes way too big, and never bothered with makeup. well, that's not entirely true, but it was only coverup for my zits, that were bad because I never bothered to wash my face. And I didn't know how to do the makeup properly. My skin was so oily I had to wipe the makeup off by lunch because it looked so bad. Looking back, I think I was lucky to be able to not care about appearances. I'm vaguely horrified now thinking about how bad I looked, but at the time, I really think it made my life a lot easier. And high school is a hard time anyways for teenagers. So I think not caring allowed me to really just have fun with my friends.

Now, of course, I'm the complete opposite. I won't go out with out makeup, and I know what I'm doing now, foundation, powder, concealer, eyeshadow, liner, blush, lipstick, the whole thing. I do a good job. It was senior year that I realized I'm not a large size in tshirts, I'm actually a small. usually. Depending on the company making the clothes. I wear tight, stylish jeans. Having at long last found companies who make jeans for tall skinny girls, I finally enjoy wearing jeans. I wear curvy tank tops and tight tshirts and jewelry and fancy shoes. And I love it. And now that my vanity is in full swing, sometimes I miss that disregard from high school. I miss throwing on a tshirt two sizes too big and just going with it. Every time I put on a tank top that seems to outline the little bit of a belly I have from having a kid I desperately wish I could go back to not caring. but instead I buy tank tops and body shapers that will slim my waist under my cute little top.

Is it worth it? I've got a pretty serious dose of vanity now. it's a little insane. But, I'm way cuter now than I was in high school. I'm just way more self concious than I was then as well. And it's stressful, to care so much about something that shouldn't matter. This all sounds stupid, doesn't it? I sound airheaded and vain and moronic. But that's kinda my points. That's what vanity is, airheaded and moronic. But I'm so obsessed with it, I lie awake at night and plan my outfit for the next day. How do I find a balance? I can't go back to where I was before, because as dumb as it sounds, it never bothered me before because I didn't think I was pretty. I never thought about it. As soon as I realized a little bit of effort could make me pretty, I didn't want to give it up. Every woman wants to be pretty, right? I'm not that strange. So I need to find a way to balance myself between complete disregard, and obsessive vanity.

yeah. good luck with that.

Finally! Old Navy loves me!

so, I finally got in to an Old navy hosted party through crowdtap.com. Incidentally, if you’re not familiar with crowdtap.com, you should check it out. Great way to earn free money for little effort and to get a shot at free stuff! Nothing wrong with that, right? anyways, I’m supposed to be blogging like crazy about this, so this is your intro to it. you’ll get more info when I do.
Went to Spokane for Memorial Day weekend. Caleb had a cousin getting married. as a result, I missed my favorite cousin, Kaitlin’s wedding reception. I’m not terribly happy about that. But Caleb got to see family and we went to Riverfront Park and rode the carousel and the gondola. Shannon loved it. although, her favorite part was probably the pool at the hotel.

um...

It’s nice to have friends. I remember in high school, before m y senior year, I remember hearing seniors at graduation talk to their friends like they weren’t ever going to see them again. I remember thinking, what are they so worried about? we’re friends, we’ll always be friends. I didn’t have any concept about what time and distance can do to a friendship. And when I got pregnant and married, and my friends went to different colleges, well. you know. It didn’t help that my pregnancy actually drove my best friend away. Megan, the perfect straight laced sheltered Mormon girl, couldn’t deal with it. My husband experienced a similar loss of contact with his friends.
And that’s where we come to Phoenix Fire Games. Some time ago, my little brother Zach introduced us to Magic: The Gathering, and we realized that we could go to game stores and play with other people. We started at ABU Games, made some friends, but became dissatisfied as the owner of that store is a douche bag. He plays in his own tournaments with his perfect deck he’s built using his store-owner privileges and then behaves like an ass to everyone. And then we noticed this sign that went up in a shopping center near our house. Phoenix Fire Games. We went in out of curiosity. It was small, and bare compared to ABU Games. We didn’t think much of it. But then Zach got word that they were going to do a draft tournament. We’d always wanted to do one, but ABU only ever did constructed. Zach, and my other brother, Corey, went and played. They loved it. so we went and played. we also loved it. The owners are fun and friendly, and gradually nerds started to collect there, people we had things in common with. And we made friends again. we have people over and we play games. It’s nice. So, I may have lost my high school friends, but now I have grown up friends…. I suppose you could call them that. considering the biggest thing we have in common is Magic: The Gathering….

Let's start with this.

My name is Jessica. I’m 25, a Scorpio, and I live in Idaho. My husband is Caleb, who asked me to our senior Prom as a “friend-date” since the girl he really wanted to ask had already been asked. By the end of the night we realized we really like being around each other, and if you want to be really lame and cheesy, you could say the rest is history. I won’t though. We were married in 2005, although there was a slight complication…. something to do with a highly Mormon family and a baby due in March of 2006 when the wedding was in December of 2005. yeah. wheee! scandal! but it happened. That little scandal’s name is Shannon, and she’s five years old now. She starts kindergarten this fall.
So. I love reading. Obsessively. I have dreams of having a room in my house I can call my library and having the walls coated with books. And I have my Kindle for sheer portability of said library. I used to think I could write, I don’t anymore. I still play around with it, but it mostly just embarrasses me. I am also the rarest of creatures: The Gamer Girl. I love video games. Unfortunately, I have no skill with shooters, which would elevate me to a whole new level of epic-ness, but I’m a major RPG girl. Primarily Final Fantasy. I’ve played all of them, except 11, cuz I don’t do MMOs. In my current job, in which I am customer service for a website that is still in beta- (I’ve been there for three months, and I’ve answered one call and three emails. I love my job.) I take my PSP to work and play video games all day. I finally beat Patapon recently and I’m replaying FFVII: Crisis Core on the Hard difficulty.
To add another layer to the nerdiness that is me, I’m also a major Magic: The Gathering the card game player. And I’m good at it. I don’t win as much as Caleb does, but I can hold my own. I also picked up The Legend of the Five Rings the card game, which I’m also enjoying.
At the moment, my wants in life are simple. Caleb finally graduated with his Associate’s degree in December and just last week got a position as a Correctional Officer at the prison, which is what we’ve been waiting for. So all I want now is a new baby. that desire pretty much defines me at the moment. It occurs to me, this blog could make a spiffy pregnancy/baby journal for that baby to read when it gets older. Anyways, I have been promised that after waiting five years since my last one, that once Caleb is through training, we can finally start trying to have a baby. I cannot express how happy I am about that.
Today, life is a waiting game. Shannon tried to make microwave macaroni and cheese for breakfast this morning, before I woke up. I was alerted to this fact when she came in to my room and woke me up, saying “Mommy, my macaroni is smoking. My macaroni’s not supposed to smoke.” and then I realized that smell was the smell of something burning. In the microwave I found a pile of charred macaroni noodles and a melted plastic bowl. As I sit here typing, I can smell the smoke in my hair. Sigh.
okay. I think we’ll call that good for today.

well....

never really blogged b efore… fully expect to get ignored. but I’m okay with that. just need a place for me. we’ll see what I do with it.